In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti

Finding happiness is one of the hardest things to do after living a life like mine. but the hardest part is finding true happiness, most of the time you are fooled into fake happiness for reasons like you are lonely and you just want to be loved or you just want something anything to bring you solace. but if you seek with your heart you will find what you are looking for, it may not always come right away but it will eventually, sometimes its not what you thought, but it will make you the happiest you could ever be. keep searching and you will find love and happiness. It's the best thing that could happen to you. I may have not found what I am searching for yet, but i have faith that it will come and I will savor every moment of it. this isn't the longest blog but it has one of the best messages I have written to date.

Change?

Things don't change. People change, and most of the time it's for the better, but there are a few times when people should just stay the same. even though she said, it's funny how things change, nothing changed, except for her state of mind. I still hold true to every thing i have said. I will never cease. When you believe in something and it feels right, never let go. You will know when something feels right, because it makes you do something differently. Even if it take months or years, as long as you stick to it, it should work out in the end. If it doesn't then it was never meant to be, but don't let yourself succumb to these false feelings, discern through them, seek the truth. The darkness will cover your eyes but you will find your way. Faith is what we have, and love is what we can give. Keep your mind clear and do what makes you happy. Even if it doesn't make you happy the whole time, it will give you a better idea as to what will keep you happy, my love for you won't stop, and i will always believe that one day we will be together again. It feels right. It just wasn't our time. But it will come, and i will show you what true happiness is. I will give you what you deserve, I will treat you like the princess you are. and when you cry, I will comfort you and let you know that this is only a bump in your life and you still have the rest of it to look forward to. Don't let anything get you down, the world can be harsh but you will overcome all your obstacles, and find out what you were meant to be. With a person like you, the options are limitless. You are perfect in my eyes, I will let you be if it is needed, but I feel as though that isn't what is meant to come. All those stupid fights we had, and pointless arguments, those are behind us. The future only holds happiness and love. Don't let that fall away from you. You will always be loved. Love me.

Never stop loving

Love is a curious thing. Sometimes it fools you and sometimes it doesn't let you know that it is there. but i know now when i love. and i love right now. i know the one i will be with. i know my soul mate. and in time we will be together. Katie Marie Frost is the one i will marry someday. even though we are not together as of right now, i know we will come back together. we were together for just 13 months. and i screwed things over because i didn't know how well i had things. but i realized what i had lost, and i had another chance to fix it but i screwed it over because i wasn't letting myself be for her. now she is with Jamie Gerard. but one day we will be together again. and when that day comes i will show her the true meaning of love. i will make her the happiest she has ever been. i will show her things she has never seen before. I will love her always. even tho i hurt her and she hurt me, we will overcome it all and i will give her what she has always needed. i will teach her to trust, as she will i. there is so much more to life than worldly things and money and fame. When the time comes i will take advantage of the opportunity that i will be given. I won't hurt her again. You can't progress in anything without trial and error. no one can succeed at everything they do. she will realize that and we will be together for the rest of our lives. I will never stop loving you Katie.. if you ever read this you will know how i feel. All those things you said to me, even tho things change, I know that they are reality. We will suffice. I haven't written anything on here in over a year. and all the other entries should be cast aside, they are the old me. the new me is now. and this is the me that will be till i die. Love is the only way to happiness and when you find love you will find your oasis in this world of pain and suffering. there is no other way. Fear God and Love all. *click*

New

Sooooo... Its been a long time since i wrote last. Things have been going a lot better for me. I've been getting a long pretty well with my mom! and i haven't been getting in too much trouble. the few screw ups here and there, but yeah. almost 3 months its been since i started dating Katie again! Things have been going amazing!!!!! We have been hanging out a lot and I'm not lying to her so that makes things sooo much better than last time we dated! I feel like she might actually be the one for me! We get along great and i am very comfortable with her, as her with me. I really hope this lasts! My birthday is next week. November 19th to be exact! I will be 17! i dont want anything really. I kinda want a PA system but thats $200 that no one has. and no one wants to spend on me! so i don't need it! But yeah I'm just kinda wanted to update and write what has been going on lately. So I'm outty *click*

Love and Lust

So i have come to realize that lately i havent been like having bad thoughts about girls.. haha.. like lustful thoughts.. like seiously.. i used to be like.. ooh dayumn look at herrrr!!.. but nope not lately i think i know why.. but i wont say it. even though it doesnt matter but i just dont wanna sound all like stupid. yeah knowwwww.. ok but yeah. thats really good that i've lost these thoughts cuz it will help me out in my relationship! yes just one.. im with katie again! i really hope things will work out this time! but anyways. things have been really good lately. i havent been getting in trouble and i should be back in school soon so yeah! im missing 2 weeks of school cuz there isnt a re-entry meeting till the 11th of septemberrrr.. i cant wait to get back and see everyone. i miss everybody! i miss being in school. everyone is like i hate school blah blah blah but when they are out of school thats when they realize that they like it. yes sum of the work maybe be hard but its definatly worth it.i havent talked to bobbie in like 5 days which is good cuz the less contact i have with her the better. cuz she has been trying her best to get me to date her again its been extremely obnoxious. like seriously. but now we are going to try just being friends which is fine with me. la la la! i've been in such a great mood for like the past week like seriously. i've been hanging out with katie a lot and she makes me really happy! and my mom actually let me go to her house last night which surprised me cuz she hasnt let me go anywhere for like forever and yeah. my parents and katies mom and keith all get along well together which is awesome so they will trust me at katies house or katie at my house so we dont have to worry about them being all like ooohh well idk her parents blah blah blah. and yeah. we can just chill ya know! i honestly dont know what to type i've jsut been like randomly thinking of stuff after the lust thing. i really only wanted to type about that.. so yeah i am done *click*

Faith, Love, and Comfort

I knew it... i knew we wouldn't last. ever since she left to virginia she started acting weird. and i knew sumthing was up.. just the way she spoke. Incase you dont know by now my g.f. Bobbie broke up with me... after almost 6 months we are done. when she called me i knew something was up.. i could hear it in her voice. i guess after knowing sumone for that long and talking to them pretty much every night and actually caring about them and loving them you can tell what they are feeling and/or thinking in their voice... ughh... idk whats with me. most people when sumthing like this happens to them they cry.. but i dont.. i puke.=[ my mom thinks i make myself throw up now.. but i didnt tell her bobbie broke up with me. shed prolly understand if i told her. but im not gunna. im not gunna tell any of my family they can figure out themselves. the only ppl i've told is katie frost, monica farwell, corey price, and katie saulle. i dont know if i'll tell anyone else. i just want to be able to not be depressed for a long time. I'll have to find sumthing to make me happy.. but now i dont have anyone to talk to whenever. she said she wants to be friends still, she said she wants to be close friends like me and katie frost are now... i think im like doomed to be that kid that everyone is like "Adam is a great friend, NOTHING more" thats the way things usually end up with people i love... bobbie i guess is just another notch in my bed post... shes not the one for me.. i convinced myself she was.. i did the same with katie too.. but i guess i was wrong.. i think i need to stop falling inlove... its horrible when it ends.. and i guess with katie and bobbie it was going to happen no matter what.. cuz they are both way to good for me. i need to find sumone that is more my league... if i can find sumone that isn't rediculously better than i am then maybe my relationship will have a better chance.. i think i need to start looking for someone that i could marry.. and if i find them then i should stick to them.. someone that has a love for God.. yes i said it =] at church my pastor is always saying we should find someone who has a love for jesus and that will be good. unless we can find sumone who has an intrest and we think we can bring them to Jesus. so if i can find sumone who is or is interested in beinga christian then that will be awsome.. bobbie had no intrest in church at all.. she hated me going but she has her reasons so i dont blame her but i still wish she would have tryed atleast.. it would have made me sooo much happier.. and katie came with me once haha but it was to VBS and there was food and songs and stuff soo it didnt relally count but w.e... no one else that i liked other than connie but she doesnt count has come to church with me... the only girl my age that comes to church now is Allie Obrien. and shes a really cool girl.. she has a great love for Jesus. and i actually look up to her.. shes younger than me too.. she has a lot of family issues and other things but idc.. shes really nice and yesterday(which was July 13th) she was gunna leave to help jeff and kelly with the wedding and i was sitting in the sunday school room and she was gunna leave then she says "I'm gunna give Adam a hug" like i didnt even try to give her a hug or act like i wanted to before she did and she wasn't even in the room she was almost to the stairs and she turned around walked back just to give me a hug! it made me happy and i felt like i was worth something even if it was just a couple feet of walking.. but i think of Allie as a sister really.. i tryed to like her as like a maybe girlfriend but i couldn't i could only feel like she was a good friend and more like a sister.. and besides she has a boyfriend so even if i got myself to like her like that i wouldnt be able to do anything about it.. but yeah.. i need to find someone who is good for me and i am good for them.. cuz if we arent good together then how would we work.. seriously.. it doesn't work!... I'm not really a great person katie and monica tell me i am but im really not.. they are really only saying that cuz we are friends and thats what friends do.. try and make eachother feel better.. but with me im really not a good person.. seriously ask my mom. i dont deserve anything more than dirt. if dirt was a girl i'd ask her out and we'd prolly end up getting married and have dirty children =P but yeahhhhhh.... idk know what else to write about really.. i've spilled myself. i doubt anyone will read this though.. it doesnt matter i use this to vent and stuff. katie frost is really the only one that ever reads this stuff.. bobbie did once but she doesnt care about my thoughts and stuff.. this is the longest blog i've written in a long time... its like 1:20 in the morning and im listening to acoustic music and it makes me feel mellow and not completely derpressed.. i feel as if i should be mourning right now.. but no one died. .the only thing that died was my happiness for now.. i just need someone to comfort me and make me happy... but i dont have that.. someone that i can talk to easily and i can confide in. and i can talk to for hours and its not just me talking. someone that actually cares about me. and i care about them.. someone i can say i really love and always will no matter what! Someone I can see having a future with. and i can talk about anything and they wont think im stupid.. someone who loves me back! thats all i really need. Faith, Love, and Comfort! if there is someone out there who reads this and thinks they can give me what i need please contact me. I'd love to meet you.. or maybe i already have.. who knows? myspace.com/drk16 *click*

sittin at a bar on the inside

well its 10:30pm on july 2nd and im sittin huur on the phone with bobbie and neither of us are talking cuz shes tired and watching sum movie she said that sucks but w.e its all good. she is coming to my house saturday which will be the 5th cuz we are having a bon fire.. hopefully i can get greg matt joey nate monica and katie to come too soo it will be a lot of people and we can eat smores and jump on the trampoline and just chill and if they can all spend the night then that will be sweet so we can all have a grand ol time. but yeah it is now 8:42pm on july 3rd i saved the blog last night and now im finishing it but yeah im under house arrest right now for riding my bike at night and being "uncooperative" to the police even tho i wasnt uncooperative but w.e im under house arrest until monday which is in 4 days which sucks.. and yeah i changed my password on myspace so bobbie doesnt know it anymore and im not giving it back to her. she says she doesnt trust me but it sucks for her she'll have to trust me sum other way but not by knowing my myspace p/w. =P but yeah she like thinks im gunna start talking to kt alllll thhee tiimmmeee and she thinks i still like her or she still likes me but thats false. we dont like eachother so its good but bobbie thinks otherwise. katie is just my friend now nothing more.. well i guess we are best friends but w.e its still just friends. so calm ya hormones bub! haha =] i love her though shes awsome we've been dating for almost 6 months now its pretty awsome she makes me happy. im listening to my new myspace song its pretty darn good i just found this band today so im content! but yeeeeeuuuhhhhh i dont have anything else to write. but since i have my new computer i might start bloggin more often but idk. its just sumthing that is plausible! aight! good. *click*