Faith, Love, and Comfort

I knew it... i knew we wouldn't last. ever since she left to virginia she started acting weird. and i knew sumthing was up.. just the way she spoke. Incase you dont know by now my g.f. Bobbie broke up with me... after almost 6 months we are done. when she called me i knew something was up.. i could hear it in her voice. i guess after knowing sumone for that long and talking to them pretty much every night and actually caring about them and loving them you can tell what they are feeling and/or thinking in their voice... ughh... idk whats with me. most people when sumthing like this happens to them they cry.. but i dont.. i puke.=[ my mom thinks i make myself throw up now.. but i didnt tell her bobbie broke up with me. shed prolly understand if i told her. but im not gunna. im not gunna tell any of my family they can figure out themselves. the only ppl i've told is katie frost, monica farwell, corey price, and katie saulle. i dont know if i'll tell anyone else. i just want to be able to not be depressed for a long time. I'll have to find sumthing to make me happy.. but now i dont have anyone to talk to whenever. she said she wants to be friends still, she said she wants to be close friends like me and katie frost are now... i think im like doomed to be that kid that everyone is like "Adam is a great friend, NOTHING more" thats the way things usually end up with people i love... bobbie i guess is just another notch in my bed post... shes not the one for me.. i convinced myself she was.. i did the same with katie too.. but i guess i was wrong.. i think i need to stop falling inlove... its horrible when it ends.. and i guess with katie and bobbie it was going to happen no matter what.. cuz they are both way to good for me. i need to find sumone that is more my league... if i can find sumone that isn't rediculously better than i am then maybe my relationship will have a better chance.. i think i need to start looking for someone that i could marry.. and if i find them then i should stick to them.. someone that has a love for God.. yes i said it =] at church my pastor is always saying we should find someone who has a love for jesus and that will be good. unless we can find sumone who has an intrest and we think we can bring them to Jesus. so if i can find sumone who is or is interested in beinga christian then that will be awsome.. bobbie had no intrest in church at all.. she hated me going but she has her reasons so i dont blame her but i still wish she would have tryed atleast.. it would have made me sooo much happier.. and katie came with me once haha but it was to VBS and there was food and songs and stuff soo it didnt relally count but w.e... no one else that i liked other than connie but she doesnt count has come to church with me... the only girl my age that comes to church now is Allie Obrien. and shes a really cool girl.. she has a great love for Jesus. and i actually look up to her.. shes younger than me too.. she has a lot of family issues and other things but idc.. shes really nice and yesterday(which was July 13th) she was gunna leave to help jeff and kelly with the wedding and i was sitting in the sunday school room and she was gunna leave then she says "I'm gunna give Adam a hug" like i didnt even try to give her a hug or act like i wanted to before she did and she wasn't even in the room she was almost to the stairs and she turned around walked back just to give me a hug! it made me happy and i felt like i was worth something even if it was just a couple feet of walking.. but i think of Allie as a sister really.. i tryed to like her as like a maybe girlfriend but i couldn't i could only feel like she was a good friend and more like a sister.. and besides she has a boyfriend so even if i got myself to like her like that i wouldnt be able to do anything about it.. but yeah.. i need to find someone who is good for me and i am good for them.. cuz if we arent good together then how would we work.. seriously.. it doesn't work!... I'm not really a great person katie and monica tell me i am but im really not.. they are really only saying that cuz we are friends and thats what friends do.. try and make eachother feel better.. but with me im really not a good person.. seriously ask my mom. i dont deserve anything more than dirt. if dirt was a girl i'd ask her out and we'd prolly end up getting married and have dirty children =P but yeahhhhhh.... idk know what else to write about really.. i've spilled myself. i doubt anyone will read this though.. it doesnt matter i use this to vent and stuff. katie frost is really the only one that ever reads this stuff.. bobbie did once but she doesnt care about my thoughts and stuff.. this is the longest blog i've written in a long time... its like 1:20 in the morning and im listening to acoustic music and it makes me feel mellow and not completely derpressed.. i feel as if i should be mourning right now.. but no one died. .the only thing that died was my happiness for now.. i just need someone to comfort me and make me happy... but i dont have that.. someone that i can talk to easily and i can confide in. and i can talk to for hours and its not just me talking. someone that actually cares about me. and i care about them.. someone i can say i really love and always will no matter what! Someone I can see having a future with. and i can talk about anything and they wont think im stupid.. someone who loves me back! thats all i really need. Faith, Love, and Comfort! if there is someone out there who reads this and thinks they can give me what i need please contact me. I'd love to meet you.. or maybe i already have.. who knows? myspace.com/drk16 *click*