Don't Interupt Me!

new blog new me... i've changed soo much since my last blog!! ugh i feel like dying and grr idk but sumthing is wrong with me and i need help... i seem just fine on the outside but inside im suffering and grrrrr.... again i sink to my all time lowest.. i need to stop this it does nuthing to help me except free me of my pain for the night! but the aftermath is bad... ok umm enough emo crap lol... umm so like i finished writing my 2nd song for kt.. its really bad but i might post it sum day cuz ya.. i need to stop being such a loser and break up with kayla... cuz like she acts different around me and i dont want her getting involved with the crap i do.. cuz if i do sumthing and piss off sum1 then they get after kayla im gunna feel horrible soo i need to let go of her for her sake... ugh umm ya so kt read the song and i have no clue wat she thought about it cuz she didnt say anything or do anything that would show wat she was thinking or feeling! =[ ummm soo ya.. i've even started in the highschool bathroom thats not good.. that means i can do it anywhere... ugh.. umm yaa lets see kt is wearing her blue shirt with poofy sleeves and sum tight jeans. lol sorry i didnt knwo wat to write so i wrotr sumthing random... um ya ahahah i've been saying um and ya a lot in this one.. soo lets see today has been alright i gave kt her juicebox she wanted and ya lol she like was staring at it for like 2 minutes then shes like OH MY JUICE BOX lol shes a lil slow sumtimes, i think she gets it from joey but joey is really cool so its ok with him! =P anddadadadadahh brittani estes keeps trying to read this blog but she can wait until i post it to read it and ya.. shes pretty kewl a lil obsessive over things but everyone has there own problems.. even tho ppl might not know wat they are... but brittani is a really cool girl!!!!!! i've got writers block right now soo im gunna finish this up... ok????? ok!!!!!! have a nice day and yaa i miss kt and i need to go to the movies with her for her birthday... ok im outty pCE *click*

penny drop

ughhhhhh... soo like jared dunton and sum oscar kid are talking about dropping pennies on iraq to kill ppl..GOSH soo like idk im like hyper and it sux, and im listening to haste the day and i want to mosh REALLY BAD!! and like im sitting on the floor now and idk..lets see.. wat to type about.....ummm.. so so sooo i wanna hangout with kt cuz we havent hung out in a while so we need to!!! =] cuz i miss her bunches, and like in school shes different then she is one the phone its wierd... idk exactly but i can just tell that she acts different.. but ya.. i have to work 2morrow and its gunna be fun cuz joey is gonna be there and yaa!! and we are gunna have a blast!i!l!o!v!e!y!o!u! *I dont think you know wat these words mean.. i dont think you know wat we could be..... i will wait 4ever cuz i think that ur the one*!!!! i dont think you know!! and u prolly never will but ugh... nvm!!! idk why im writing such short blogs its kinda ghey cuz i've written a bunch of reallly long blogs and ya.. im listening to crank that calvary boy right now!! i wish sumone who read my blogs would leave comments and tell me wat they think about them cuzz i just want to know wat ppl think about my thoguhts and feelings and everything.. thatd be kewl lol yup... ummmm now im listening to inhale exhale.. such a good band... sigh... this is ending RIGHT NOWW!!! UGH I DONT KNOW ANYMORE!!!! im breaking down and things are getting worse although i may seem perfectly fine on the outside im not my mind is being occupied with these thoughts and i canty concentrate on things.. ughhh i ddont want to resort back to my old ways of getting rid of this pain its not good at alll!!!!!!!!!! im gunan like GRR i need sum help seriously im gunna go crazy!!!!!!! u need to understand that i have a lot of problems and im never ok theres always sumthing on my mind!!!! right now theres soo much running threw my head like kt and kayla and my life and how others would be without mine!!! i feel suicidal and i just wanna die... u know how they say that if ur falling off a cliff in a dream and u hit then u actually die!!! well i want ot hit but it never works!!! i've been having the same dream lately im standing.. im standing on a cliff and im about to fall off and as i start to fall kt grabs me and keeps me from falling.. so i think that she is the only thing keeping me from falling to a horrible death!!! but im done cuz class is over soo bye!!!!!!!! c*lick*

dont dink and drance *hick*

so like hmm idk wat to right about today.. im very screamo today as u can tell.. lets see right now im listening to the devil wears prada cuz they are amazing!! ok umm.. kt wasnt at school today cuz shes sick.. and im very sad cuz shes sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i dont want her to be sick.. i just feel bad.. =[ soo today i sold my psp i bought for $6 i sold it for like $80 soo its a good deal and i only use my psp for music soo ya!! and umm ya... i really dont know wat to right about right now.. all my important things i write donw on paper and i wont right them in here cuz they are too important and personal.. but ya.. kt called me last night.. that was kewl.. but she wasnt the person i wanted to call me.. but its all good kt crazy cool.. yup!!! sooo i reallly cant think of anything else to right soo im outty!! *click*

todays and yesterdays

ok lets see.. today was pretty good... actually better than usual.. i was happy cuz kt hugged me and like ya =] soo like umm i was like in a pissy mood after school for sum reason.. and like idk i was listening to job for a cowboy cuz they are loud DEATHmetal soo it was goood for my mood.. soo ya... and like yaa then i went to church for wednesday night class.. and i calmed down and i went from HARDCORE to mellow emoish.. and like ya soo weird.. but ya i've been thinking a lot lately about kt(obviously) and like wat i can do to get over her.. but i couldnt think of anything.. even getting a gf doesnt help... i guess i just need sum time... i guess im in the same predicament as she is.. cuz im stuck on her and shes stuck on corey.. prolly by the time she is fully over with corey is when ill be fully over with her.. and im pretty sure thats not anytime soon.. but ya i've been tryin to be happier with kayla and its kinda working but not really idk.. i just gotta get into it... yup ummm ... soo im in a very emo mood and im listening to emo acoustic music and its good cuz im calm and im not llike goin crazy and screaming my head off and yaa.. but sum ppl know that emo is not good with me and i really cant stay in this mood for long cuz Lord knows wat i'll dooooo... soo yaa i guess i just needa talk to sum1 or sleep or sumthing but the only person i could actually talk wont talk to me and ya well.. she prolly will she just doesnt know its her i want to talk to so she wont call but yaa... umm ya.. so i think im done for now and i think this is my shortest blog or maybe not but ya i've spoken my feelings soo im outty *click*

2 in 1

two blogs in one day.. this is new for me but i just saw sumthing and i was like ughhhh and like i needed to tell sumone soo im writing it down for all to read!!
ok so i got a new pic comment on myspace and it was one of my pictures with my gay smile thing and this girl is like ur gay smile makes me smile.. i was like HA.. then i went down and looked at the other comments and there was one by kt and i was like ugh!! cuz it was b4 we dated and shes like ur cute can i have u and grr i miss her.. it always seems to happen.. whenever i start to come close to getting over her sumthing happens and i fall right back inlove with her.. it sux.. but this needs to stop cuz i have kayla and my attention needs to be on her and not kt cuz kayla is muh gf and i like her..notice i didnt say love.. soo like i've been thinking about this whole "I Love You" thing.. saying i love you to sum1 is a very strong thing and u shouldnt say it unless u truely mean it.. ppl like just throw it around like it means nothing but it mean a lot.. and there are only a couple of ppl whom i actually love.. that would be my siblings and mom.. and.. katie.. the reason i love kt is cuz she is my best friend and she has taught me soo much and i'd do anything for her...within reason ofcourse.. lol.. but ya see the thing is my feelings for kt seem unfading even thp she doesnt like me anymore i just cant get her outta muh mind.. like lol this is gunna sound uber cheezy but she is like my vision of PERFECTION!!!! even tho she thinks she has many flaws; i see her as flawless and i dont care wat she thinks or wat anyone else thinks!! sorry to whoever reads this that im like stupid over katie but if u dont know her thats why u think im stupid.. cuz u dont know her!! shes taken my heart and torn it apart TWICE to be exact but i still cling to her.. theres nuthing she could do that could make my feelings change. and like idk.. she'll prolly end up reading this and think im even more retarded than usual but idc... its my thoughts my feelings and my opinions.. and im sticking to them..
maybe one day ill get over kt but idk only time will tell... *sigh* well ya idk ugh and like i miss hugging her.. i havent hugged her in forever.. i dont think she wants me to hug her but i really do.. seriously if i could just hug her atleast once every lets say every other day id be good.. but i havent hugged her in like a month!! but w.e s'all good i guess.. not really but sure. but ugh idk i cant think right now my mind is too occupied soo im outty for now... *click*

bitter truth

Things have been ok, but like today kayla wasnt even looking at me soo like idk.. she did a couple times but like idk its like i had to touch her for her to notice me or acknowledge i was there..ugh idk... but ya anyways my leg still kills and im limping cuz reesehit me with a board which didnt help at all.. so now my leg is in pain. but ya lets see i watched like half of I Love New York last night with kt but we hung cuz we werent talking during commercials soo yaa. mornings at school have changed a lotsince i've been going out with kayla.. im just chillen with her and her friends instead of my friends so like idk its cool and all i just dont wanna ditch them cuz i have a gf.. honestly idk wat to do.. idk if i should stay with kayla cuz like im not all that happy.. i was happier when i was single and now its like oh i have a gf and i have to be with her and not my friends.. jeeze laweeze.. i hated being single but now actually being in a relationship sucks even more... lets see umm to get off this subject.. i walked kt back to class after lunch like usual and josh mcrillis like made her buttrape him it was wicked funny...then after me brandon and ian left kt we walked outside and went to the freshman wing where our classes are and ian walked in the door and slipped and fell on his butt it was soo funny... zane and greg were at the top of the stairs and they saw it too. greg fell over laughing and it was pretty hilarious...im in study hall right now and it sux cuz like idk its wicked boring and theres nuthing to do.. and like i need to stop now cuz mrs. ellis is being dumb okey dokey buh bye.. i hate her >.< *click*

nostalgia

dear blogger mood.. nostalgic... for reasons that are my own to ponder... well lets see things that have happened recently... last friday was the first day of the haunted hayrides and i work there so u know wat was up.. saturday i worked again and after the hayrides me and zane went to a party in windham..it was fun cuz i hung out with cayleigh sam cam and ryan.. and i made a new friend.. his name is wilson.. hes crazy.. we are mosh buddies.. we are gunna go to a bunch of shows together and its gunna be amazing.. speaking of shows.. november 2nd and 3rd there are shows that i am going to silverstein and from autumn to ashes are playing on the second and from first to last, a skylit drive, and vanna are playing on the third... and im going with wilson and ryan and cayleigh and possibly joey... and we are gunna go crazy. and mosh our minds to sludge... anyways yaa.. umm working at the haunted hayrides is fun cept for when its cold and wet... its fun to scare the pee outta ppl...=] soo like umm.. so i found sum pictures today and it reminded me of sum really really REALLY happy times.. hints the blog title "Nostalgia" but ya i miss those times!!
*sigh* but yuh... Job For A Cowboy.. thats wat im listening to right now.. they are a hardcore death metal pigscream band.. amazing shtuff...!!! ok lets see.. Kayla Marie Hebert my gf.. shes kewl.. but idk how things are going right now cuz like she always seems depressed with me and i like her and all but idk wat to think... ugh..
w.e i'll just take it as it comes... hopefully things work out for the best.. but im leaving it to Gods will and let watever he wants done to be done!.. umm lets see the reason im writing this is cuz kt wanted sumthing to read.. i was thinking about typing a new blog earlier today but i didnt.. as u can tell.. so i just got off the phone with monica and shes actin weird asking me questions and crap.. i dont even know.. but ya.. soo yesterday i didnt talk to anyone on the phone or anything cuz i was gone all day and this morning kt called and it seemed like i hadnt talked to her in forever even tho it had only been one day.. crazy stuff speaking of katie.. she has the same middle name as kayla.... KAtie, KAyla lol idk im bored.. ugh saturday i bailed out on wilsons BMX bike and i smashed my head of the tar and i like sprained my leg or sumthing cuz it still hurts and im in pain.. it sux.. and ya.. umm so im going to watch i love new york with kt tonight while on the phone with her cuz she wants me too so we can "talk about it" and ya i kinda wanna hangout with kt cuz i havent hung out with her in a long time... i wanna hang out with kayla too i've never really hung out with kayla outside of school so i want to.. i did once at a pool party tho.. but yuh, umm yaa.. soo lately i've been musing about things and just wishing sum things had happened but they didnt and never will soo ya.. but i think im gunna quit cuz if i dont im gunna spill my guts and no1 wants that.. soo im outty for now... *cluck*

antalope cantaloupe!

okey dokey.. havent blogged in a while... ok soo lets see... friday night was the homercomign game and i didnt watch it at all.. i just hung out with muh frands.. i had to stay after school cuz i missed my bus so i was at school from 7:15 in the morning till 10:30ish at night... i was uberr tired... i hung out with kt and kayla and cayleigh i was soo happy to see cayleigh again i missed her bunches!!!... lets see saturday was the homecoming dance.. it was amazing it was def a night to remember.. filled with happiness, joy, and drama.. sum things happened with kt but im not gunan say them.. and them i p'd off sarah cable cuz she thoguth i called her a hoe but i wasnt talking to her.. but its all good... shes gross *yuck* soo it was ahhhmazing!!!! i was supposed to dance with brittani estes cuz she gave me the moeny to buy a ticket but i couldnt find her when i wanted to dance with her. =[.. soooo lets see... i danced the slow dances with kt.. and kayla! i think they are the only ppl i slow danced with... i danced with pretty much everyone on the regular songs.. i started a moshpit when everytime we touch by cascada was on!! it was crazy!!!! ok so when i danced with kt i was really happy cuz she wanted to dance with me... she looked AHMAZING lol she looked so beautiful.. then again she always looks beautiful she just looked extra beuatiful on saturday... ok well on the last dance they played stairway to heaven.. and i dancesdd with kayla hebert.. and then... i asked her out and we danced for the rest of the song!!!! =] soo i now officially have a girlfriend!!! cuz ya she said yes!!!! yupp and the crappy part is i dont get to see her very much at school so we are going to need to hang out at her house or sumthing!
ummm yaa.. sunday i went to church and that was fun except for where i was tired the whole time cuz of homecoming the night before.. so i got like no sleep at all.. i was beat! and after chruch me and brandon dorey my bff went to a wolf sanctuary to help out the wolves.. so pretty we raked, and picked up 200Lb things of fencing and that didnt help me being tired at all... GOSH!!! lol.. and tehn me and brandon had to walk home from standish corner.. but me and him went to kt's and hung out with her for 15 minutes then my mom came and picked us up then we went home and i ate and passssed out then kt called and i talked to her!!... and ya i couldnt talk to kayla cuz she was sleeping but ya i saw her today which was good!!!!.. and kayla makes me happy... cuz i hate being single and i really hope that she is the one for me and i can stay with her for a while cuz ya i need sumone to cling to even tho that sounds gay!!! and yaaa well i think i am done for now soo